Can't Breathe Without Air
by musicsaveslives
Summary: ALL HUMAN. What would you do if the love of your life had to leave you? Would you wait for them to come back or would you move on with your life? Rose Hathaway's world was turned upside down when her boyfriend leaves for the Military. Can she handle it?
1. Rose, How Could You?

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_**Disclaimer:**_

_**I do not own Vampire Academy. **_

_**That belongs to Richelle Mead.**_

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><p><strong>Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air?<strong>

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. He wasn't supposed to leave me. We were supposed to live happily ever after. He was my fairytale and now it's all crashing down around me. I am staring into his beautiful chestnut eyes, they are telling me sorry, all full of sorrow. I couldn't believe this was happening. Breathe… Just breathe. I can't though. It feels like there is something sitting on top of my chest pressing down on my lungs. The sorrow turns into worry and the worry turns into panic. I can hear him say my name in his angelic voice as I fall into darkness.

_Dancing around in my underwear as the man of my dreams lies on the bed laughing at me. I can't help but feel giddy though. He just asked me to marry him. _

"_I'm getting married the morning…" I began to sing, but I couldn't remember the words. "Shit! I don't know the rest,"_

_He laughed even more as he reached up to me and pulled me down next to him. Everything was perfect, but then he slowly started to disappear. _

"_Where are you going Dimitri? Why are you fading away?"_

_He didn't answer me as his arms let go of me and then he was gone. _

"_Don't leave me,"_

"NO!" I screamed jumping up. I guess I fell asleep or wait, I passed out. I looked around to see where I was and sure enough I was lying in Dimitri's bed while he was sitting on his couch. The clock was blinking 4 am. How long was I out for? I shook my head and walked over to the couch to wake up Dimitri.

"Come lay in bed with me," I whispered shaking him slightly. He nodded his head and followed me over to his bed, with the sheets around us; his placed his arm over my waist as I cuddled up to him.

"Don't leave me," I cried.

"Never," he mumbled into my hair as he fell back asleep. That was a lie though. He leaves in a week. One week and I won't see him for 3 long years. I mean sure he will come and visit, but it won't be the same. How can someone live that long without the love of there life? How can someone breathe without them? God only knows that I couldn't. My thoughts were taking over my mind and there was no way that I was going to fall back asleep.

I tried to be happy that I was lying in his arms, but as the time went by the thoughts in my mind made me sadder and sadder. I couldn't take this. I slowly made my way out from under him arm, getting up off the bed and walking down stairs. Opening the fridge I took out a soda and went to go sit at the breakfast bar. That's when the lights turned on.

"Rose? Sweetie? What are you doing up?" Olena, Dimitr's mother asked me as she walked into the kitchen. I shrugged my shoulders as I sipped on the Ginger Ale, hoping that it would sooth my stomach. I felt so nauseous. She seemed to understand that I really didn't want to talk about it and got what she came for and then left.

"Goodnight love," she said as she gave me a small hug heading out of the kitchen.

I don't know how long I sat their or what time it was even. I am guessing it had to have been awhile because the sun was coming up. Oh great… that means –

"ROSE!"

Yup, that means Vik was awake. The girl could never sleep in. I could swear to you that she was a robot and worked like clockwork. Once the sun starts coming up, she wakes up.

"You had us all worried yesterday when you just passed out like that," she stated as she rummaged through the fridge. "Dimitri had gone pale. It was a scary sight to see him the light skinned."

I laughed knowing what she meant. Her brother was known for being very tan. Let's just say that he really is one of those… Tall, Dark, and Handsome kind of guys. She smiled at my knowingly before leaving the kitchen. The one thing I love about the Belikov's they didn't push you when you didn't want to be pushed. Expect for my boyfriend that is… he will break me down until I give in. I started to cry. I am going to miss that about him. I am going to miss everything. Again, I started to feel as if I couldn't breathe. This wasn't good at all. There is no way I can go to school if I keep managing to have these panic attacks. It was like the time Mason died. I had developed an anxiety disorder. Also, it didn't help that I swore on my life that I could see his ghost. People had thought that I went mental for awhile.

"Roza,"

His voice was deepy and raspy. I could tell that he just woke up. It was full of worry also. Probably cause I am standing in the middle of his kitchen with a tear stained face. That could possibly have something to do with it.

"Morning baby," I managed to choke out before walking up to him giving him a kiss. I didn't want to talk about what happened yesterday. I didn't want to discuss what he told me. Besides I had to get to school pretty soon.

"We need to –

"I have to go Comrade. I need to get ready for school," interrupting him, giving him a kiss goodbye, walking out the door. I managed to make it to my car without him coming after me, but by the time I turned it on his was at the car door with a puppy look on his face. I just gave him a smile and mouthed sorry as I backed out of the drive away.

Driving home my mind was racing and so was my car. I think I reached 90 before I realized that maybe I should slow down. I kept thinking about yesterday though and I couldn't focus on anything. I didn't know if I could handle this.

"_I am signed up for the military remember Rose," Dimtri said as he walked over to where I was sitting. "I leave in a week for boot camp," _

"_When were you going to tell me? Right before you left? Were you even going to tell me at all?" I screamed getting up and walking out the door. I found the letter that had been about boot camp. He had been keeping it from me. _

"_I didn't want to upset you,"_

_I turned around ready to slap him across the face. "You didn't want to upset me? Really? Well, you failed at that. You are going to be gone for 3 months Dimitri. No contact what so ever except for letters. How are we going to do this? I don't think I can," I cried. He looked as if I actually had slapped him across the face. _

"_Are you breaking up with me?" he asked, his voice sounding as if someone had punched him in the gut._

"_What? No. Yes. UGH! I don't know," _

_I was getting really frustrated at this point. I didn't want to break up with him. I just didn't know if I could handle this. It wasn't even about that right now though. It was about him not telling me. _

"_A week. Damnit Dimitri," I began to cry hysterically at this point and before I knew it I passed out._

Vibrations pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked to see who was calling me. Lissa. I didn't feel like talking to anyone though. I looked through my phone though 22 messages. What the hell?

5 were from Christian.

- Rose! 2 wrds. Chocolate Donuts.

- Ansr ur phone man.

- Bitch

- Slut

-U OK?

I laughed. 15 were from Lissa.

-Rose where are you?

-Where are you?

-Rose?

-Rose?

-Answer me

-I'm worried

The rest of the texts were the same and then the missed phone calls. The last 2 messages were from Dimitri.

- Roza please come back so we can talk. I can't stand you mad at me babe.

Where are you? I'm worried. Lissa called me cause you didn't show up for school. Call me. XOXO.

I laughed again. XOXO? Really Dimitri? Looking at the time though I didn't realize how long I had been driving for it was 2:30 pm and…

"FUCK!" I screamed. I was out of gas. My car started to slow down and I sighed. Beep. Beep. My phone started to go off. I looked down. Low Battery.

"Great, just fucking fantastic,"

I got out of the car and started to walk back. Things couldn't get any worse I thought to myself and I probably shouldn't have because the next thing I knew it started to rain. Hard.

Walking was tiring me out. It didn't help that I was cold and it was raining or the fact that I didn't sleep at all the night before. I had walked about 5 miles before I ended up at home. It was dark out, but the lights inside my house were all on.

Five cars were in my drive away, my moms, my dad's, Lissa's, Dimitri's and Christian's. Great. Just what I needed a homecoming party. I rolled my eyes as I started to walk up the entry way, but I decided against it turning around as I began to walk away from my house I heard the door open and then I felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around me. "You had me worried. Where were you? I couldn't get a hold of you. I thought something bad happened," he sighed as he kissed my face all over.

That was my breaking point again and I pushed him off of me.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

That's when an audience appeared at my door.

"How do you think I am going to feel? When I can't talk to you days at a time? Wondering where you are and if you are all right? Wondering if you could be dead? Huh? Tell me! TELL ME THAT DIMITRI," I yelled as I ran into the house past him.

I could hear Lissa calling after me, Christian trying to calm down my dad who was yelling at Dimitri.

My mom had followed me though. She let me cry in her arms as she told me that everything was going to be all right. She told me that Dimitri and I were going to get through this. Part of me wanted to believe her, but the other part of me wanted to just tell her that she was wrong; that all this was just ruining my fairytale life.

Dimitri finally came in and my mom excused herself.

"Are you going to yell at me some more?" he asked and I shook my head no running over into his arms. I cried my heart out to him.

"I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay hear with me." I pleaded over and over again. My heart felt like it was breaking. I didn't care about the country at this point. I just didn't want the love of my life to leave me. I was selfish okay.

"I have to, but I will write to you all the time and when I am deployed. I will have my phone then. There are things called computers that we can talk over. I can come visit. Who knows? I could be in the states," he explained as he held me in his arms.

I didn't want to let go of him.

I just nodded my head and kissed him. I kissed him like there was going to be no tomorrow and in my mind there wasn't.


	2. Rose, See You Soon

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_**Disclaimer: VA = Richelle Mead. **_

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><p><strong>If I should die before I wake<strong>

**It's 'cause you took my breath away**

**Losing you is like living in a world with no air, oh**

Today was the day I was supposed to say goodbye. Goodbye for three long months and then goodbye again for who knows how long after that. Looking in the mirror, I didn't recognize the girl that was staring back at me. She looked so broken and fragile with a tear stained face. I was use to being a strong, independent, and self-spoken girl. What happened? I fell in love that's what happened and today he is leaving me. I took a deep breath as I washed my face with ice-cold water. I had to get ready for his going away party. Tonight was his last night of freedom and my friends and his wanted to throw him a party. I had told him I just wanted it to be us, but I knew that he wanted to have fun his last night in town.

After applying my makeup I looked normal. It was just a mask though hiding any true emotion that I had. My phone started to go off. I looked down to see who was calling me. Christian.

"What do you want Pyromaniac?" I asked when I answered the phone.

"Good afternoon to you to my love," he said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes. He could be so annoying at times. "I was calling to see if you have spoken to Lissa. I can't seem to get a hold of her,"

Could he really not go talking to her for more than five minutes?

"She is probably sitting downstairs in my living talking to my mom about my mental state,"

"I don't know why. Everyone already knows that you are psychotic," he laughed.

"Fuck off,"

I hung up the phone and texted Lissa telling her that her precious boyfriend seeks her pleasurable kitty-cat. Ten bucks says that she turns red after reading my text or she comes barraging up stairs cause I know she is probably downstairs just like I told her little boyfriend.

Walking down the stairs I heard two voices talking.

"You need to look out for her," the deep-set voice said. That caused me to roll my eyes. No one needs to look out for me. Plus, Lissa can't handle me when I am out of control.

"I'll try my best," replied Lissa. I knew her voice from anywhere. Plus I knew that Dimitri wouldn't ask anyone else to baby-sit me, but her. They act like I am 12 years old sometimes. It gets old after awhile.

"You know you should have told her that you were leaving months ago. It would have made this week a lot easier on the both of you. Right now she is pissed off at you and I know that's not how you want to leave things between the both of you,"

"What else can I do? I need to do this Lissa. It's not like I want to leave her,"

I couldn't take to hear anymore of this and walked in pretending like I just got there. I skipped and yes, I mean skipped inside to the living room. Maybe, I was taking this pretending to be okay thing a bit to far.

"Good afternoon Comrade," I smiled falling onto his lap giving him a kiss before looking at my blonde haired friend. "Little Miss Fairy, your boyfriend has been looking for you, "

She raised an eyebrow at me.

"What! He called me asking me where you were,"

She laughed, "No. Not how you know he is looking for me. Little Miss Fairy?"

I did a once over of her outfit and nodded my head. "Would you prefer that or Tinker Bell?"

Dimitri laughed this time and kissed the back of my neck. Lissa was wearing a short green dress with her blonde hair in a bun. It made her look like, well, Tinker Bell. She rolled her eyes at me though before reaching in her purse for her phone. The second she opened it she glared at me turning red and I busted out laughing.

"What?"

"Nothing babe, just an inside joke," I laughed even harder. Pretending might not be so hard when I could just mess with Christian and Lissa all day.

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><p>Hours went by and the house soon became filled with people. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, everyone, but me. Most of the time I would excuse myself from talking to anyone and I avoided my friends as best I could. Right now I was outside by the pool with my feet dangling in the water.<p>

"You know you shouldn't be out here alone," someone said from behind me. I turned slightly to see who it was. He was tall about 6'2 just under how tall Dimitri was.

"Who are you?" I questioned. My voice filled with curiosity.

Out of nowhere he took off his shirt and pants, leaving himself in just his boxers. It was actually quite a sight. No girl would hesitate at checking him out. Before I knew it though he was jumping in the pool causing a splash to get me wet. I groaned.

"I am whoever you want me to be," he answered when he finally came back above water.

I glared at him and went to go get up, but he grabbed my ankle. He developed what seemed to be a devilish smile and without a seconds notice he pulled me into the water.

At this point I was fuming as I swam over to him getting ready to slap this jerk in the face, but something stopped me. I stood right in front of him and titled my head sideways. "So who exactly are you?" I asked again.

He just dunked me and laughed. When I came back up he was swimming away. "If you can catch me I will tell you,"

I laughed and we started to swim after each other in the pool. Finally, I caught up to him and grabbed his arm. We both locked eyes with each other and I smiled. I was having the most fun I had all night. That's when I heard someone cough. I quickly let go of the mystery guys arm and looked up to see Dimitri with a very upset expression on his face. I suddenly felt guilty. I climbed out of the pool, as well as, mystery man. He walked past Dimitri giving him a cocky grin before turning back and walking away. When he was about 5 feet away he turned around again and said, "Adrian. Adrian Ivashokv." Then he took a bow and disappeared.

Dimitri and I were finally alone. Standing outside my house by the pool. I was freezing cold from being in the pool and started to shiver. Dimitri took off his duster and placed it around my shoulders.

"Thanks," I managed to whisper.

He just shook his head at me and frowned. "I have been trying to spend time with you all night. My last night here and you are off swimming in the pool with some guy,"

"Listen, it's not like that," I tried explaining, but I really didn't know what to say. All we have done is fight this week and mostly cause when I am pissed I tend to start them.

"Really? Then what's it like Rose. Explain it to me,"

I sighed taking his hand into mine and pulling him with me as I walked into the house. People stared at us, but I didn't care. I managed to make my way up to my room kicking two people who were making-out out. ] sat down on my bed not caring if I got it wet and motioned for him to sit down also.

"It's not like I asked the guy to hangout with me. He found me out by the pool and then pulled me in. It's just… Ugh. I just… He isn't anything. I don't even know him. I just couldn't be around you or anybody. I know that sounds bad, but it's the truth. Every time I see you or talk to you I just want to cry. It builds up in my throat and then I just can't help myself,"

"Roza –" He began to interrupt me.

"No, let me finish. I am so mad at you for doing this to me. I want to break up with you cause a part of me doesn't think that I can handle this, but another part of me. A very strong part of me is telling me that I can. Why? Because I am in love with you, I always have been in love with you. Ever since we were 5. So, what I am trying to say is I'm not going anywhere Dimitri Belikov. I will be here when you get back waiting to kiss you with all I have and arms wide open,"

Dimitri crashed his lips to mine as we fell onto the bed letting ourselves go, giving into every emotion we were keeping inside. Finally, giving him myself completely. The rest of the night was for us and us only.

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><p>Morning came and I looked next to me. There was no longer a body there, but a letter. I opened it and began to read.<p>

_Dear Roza,_

_It's 4 in the morning I leave in an hour. I have to go get ready. You look like an angel sleeping right now and I don't want to wake you. Last night was perfect. I love you. I know that you are going to be mad that I didn't wake you to see me off, but I didn't want to say goodbye because it isn't goodbye. I will write to you as soon as I can. _

_See you soon,_

_Comrade. _

I began to break down and cry. He is actually gone. I won't be able to kiss his soft lips anymore, lie in his strong arms or hear his deep amazing voice. I didn't know what to do. Losing him had never been an option for me. I felt like I couldn't breath. This can't be good. I quickly got my phone and texted Lissa '911'. I rushed to the bathroom hoping that some cold water on my face would do me some good, but it didn't. What am I going to do? I feel like I can't breath. Like there is no air. How am I supposed to live like this?


	3. Dimitri, No Letters

_**Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.**_

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_**Sorry, it took so long for an update. It was having writer's block. I still am. I can't right Dimitri's POV. It's quite hard. So, I give props to the people who actually can do it.**_

_**Thank you for all the reviews!**_

_**For the record;; Dimitri is 19 and Rose is 17.**_

_**Short Chapter, but I wanted to get something up.**_

_**I do not own VA or the song.**_

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><p><strong>I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave<strong>

**My heart won't move, it's incomplete**

**If there was a way that I could make you understand**

"Drop and give me 50," yelled the Lieutenant. I wanted to sigh, but I stoped myself and did as I was told. While I was doing it all I could think about how mail came in today. I have been here for a month and still no word from my beautiful Roza. I wrote to her every chance I got and when my buddies would get letters from their family I would sit quietly. I had a few letters from friends such as Lissa and Eddie. Plus, of course my family, just not one single word from her. I hadn't expected her to just stop talking to me completely.

"45… 46… 47… 48… 49… 50," I finished up standing up regrouping with everyone else. It was lunch. I wasn't hungry, but I went and got food anyway. I didn't eat. I just took the napkin that was in front of me, and the pen that I had and began to write.

_Lissa – _

_Give this to Rose. I know she probably hasn't opened any of my letters. Pretend it's a note from you or read it to her it yourself. Can you tell her that I love her and that nothing will ever change that? That I wish she could understand why I had to do this. I didn't want to leave her, but in the end she will realize this was for the best. I will be back soon and I hope that she can forgive me. I know that this is hard for her, but I only wish that she would talk to me. I just want to hear from her. It will really help me get through this. _

_Dimitri_

I didn't have time to make the letter as long as I would like. I had to go to PT; so, I folded up the napkin and put it into my pocket. I threw away the food and I got up only to be pushed back down by a fellow student. I glared at them. Fighting was something that caused you to get kicked out. Simply shrugging it off I made my way down the hall.

"Belikov,"

I heard my last name be called out and I rolled my eyes. What did they want now? I was on lunch. I turned around only to see Castile. "Castile?" my voice questioned. He laughed and nodded his head. "How have you been man? I haven't seen you here,"

"I make myself invisible," he simply said. I looked down and saw that he had a few letters.

"Mia?" I asked looking down at the letters.

He nodded his head and continued… "Lissa, Christian and Rose."

I froze. Rose? Did he just say Rose? My Rose? Roza? She writes to him, but she won't write to me. How is this even fair? How can she punish me like this? I wanted to cry, but I wasn't going to let anyone notice or even see me weak. Weakness was not allowed. Fear was, but weakness never. She was mine though and she was torturing me.

I couldn't focus today after hearing that she, my Roza, was writing Eddie and not me. It got me into a lot of trouble, causing me to end up in a lot of pain. It was finally lights out. I pulled out a picture from under my pillow. She looked so beautiful with hear hair wrapping around her face from the wind. That's when I let a tear fall down my face. It's the only time that I give myself. 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes to cry.


	4. Rose, Understanding

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**_OMG! THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS! For the reviews and the support! I really appreciate it. It caused me to go and write some more for you guys and once I started to type. I just couldn't stop. It just came to me. Now, I don't like giving things away. People keep saying "NOOOO ADRIAN NOOOO" well there will be no Rose&Adrian together in the story or Tasha&Dimitri (maybe). So, you can start doing your happy dance along with getting the torches read to burn the raven-haired girl and maybe even me! There is still a lot more to come. A LOT MORE._**

**_I do not own the song or VA._**

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><p><strong>But how do you expect me<strong>

**To live alone with just me?**

**'Cause my world revolves around you**

**It's so hard for me to breathe**

"I hate you," I laughed running away from the guy who had started to consume my days.

He shook his head as he chased after me wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Would you both stop flirting it's making me sick," Christian gagged as Lissa giggled leaning into him as they sat on top of the picnic blanket.

I stuck my tongue out at Christian and he replied with some snide remark about how someone would grab it one of these days.

Today was one of the better days. Today was a day where I felt normal. It was a day where my life didn't feel like it was coming to and end. I had great friends and an amazing family. They were the only reason that I was sane. I also had a boyfriend, a boyfriend who I haven't spoken to in two months. Does that mean we are still dating? I didn't know the answer to that. Though when guys asking me if I were single I would reply no, because that's the truth, would bother me. Neither of us has said it was over. Actually, if he has I wouldn't know. I haven't read any of his letters.

I sighed and let the smile fall from my face. My mind was going into a Dimitri comatose. It happens about 4 times a day. Where I just wonder how he is. I can't bring myself to read his letters though. Lissa has told me how he misses me and how much he needs me. Eddie has even said so in his letters to me. I feel like a horrible person for not writing to him, but what was I supposed to do? _Write him._

I warm touch pulled me out of my thoughts. Adrian. He has been a godsend. I know it's bad to say that and the fact that another guy is making me happy. I deserve to be happy though. I deserve to not have to have so much stress. I'm only seventeen. It doesn't help the fact that everyone loves him. Except for Christian. Christian can't stand him. The only reason is because Lissa gets all giddy when he is around sometimes. It's not her fault though. Adrian has a way with making any girl giddy. It's just how he is. Mia has even clung to him with Eddie's disappearnce.

I wonder if anyone has even told Dimitri about this guy in our lives. I wonder if someone has if he thinks he is being replaced, because he's not. My world revolves around Dimitri. I don't think any of them understand that. My panic attacks are because he isn't around. I can't breathe without him.

"Rose… Rose… ROSE"

I shook out of my thoughts again. Adrian was yelling my name.

"What," I responded a little bit annoyed.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Dimitri," I state as if that was nothing new. He was all I ever thought about.

"I got a letter from him in the mail today," Lissa said staring at him. She always made me feel guilty. She took his side. We had a huge argument about it the other day about how I never wrote him a letter. Little does she know though I write to him everyday…

"That's great. So, who saw last nights episode of House? It was crazy. The lady had every cancer imaginable. Sometimes I think they go a little to far with this stuff," I said trying to change the subject. The look on Lissa's face though was telling me that she wasn't having it. Not this time.

"For god-sake Rose for once would you just listen to me. You are putting not only yourself through torture, but Dimitri too. Think about what you are doing to him,"

I stood up. I was angry now. She was kidding right?

"What I am doing to him? How about what he did to me? HE LEFT ME. I didn't leave him. How come none of you seem to realize that? I didn't ask him to join the military. He did that on his own without asking me. So, all that "you know what you signed up for and that this was going to happen shit" is a whole bunch of bull. I didn't know this was going to happen. I didn't know that my boyfriend was going to leave me and that I would have to deal without him, without him I almost have nothing. I can't even breathe without him. He is my air. So, sorry for trying to distract myself, sorry for being a little bit mad, sorry for holding a grude, sorry for making a friend who so happens to be a guy… It's not like I am sleeping with Adrian. Yeah, that's right I have heard you and Mia discussing how that would be so messed up. Well, guess fucking what? I am alone every night in my bed crying myself to sleep. How about this Lissa? How about for god-sake you listen to me for just once,"

My rant seemed to go on for a while. My face was flushed I can feel the heat coming off of me like a radiator. The tears were starting to build too. I could feel them trying to push themselves through my eyes. I looked at all of them. Lissa looked like she was about to cry. Christian seemed to have a look of sympathy and Adrian well he looked hurt or ashamed. I couldn't quite put a finger on it. I turned on my heel though and walked away.

The park wasn't that far from my house. Once I got there I checked the mail and sure enough there was a letter from Dimitri. I ran upstairs as quickly as possible to avoid having to talk to my mom. She would try to encourage me once again to open up a letter. There was a box sitting on my bed that I threw it into. The box contained every letter that he had written me. First there was a lot that came, sometimes 3 at a time, then less and less came and longer in between. I knew that he was slowly giving up.

I wasn't though. I pulled out another box, a box that had 56 letters in it, a letter for every single day that he has been gone for. I picked up the box and walked downstairs into my backyard and threw them into a metal trashcan, pulling out a lighter, I stood there for a while wondering whether or not I should burn them. Everyone thinks that I don't care anyway. I flipped on a flame and lit a small twig.

"Don't," I heard a voice say, as I was about to throw the twig into the can. "You'll regret that if you do that,"

I threw the twig on the floor and put the fire out with my foot before running into the voice of reason.

"Adrian," I cried. "Why doesn't anyone understand? How come you only understand?"

He didn't answer me. He just stood there and let me cry, stroking my hair, trying to sooth me from having a panic attack.

"How could they think that I didn't care? That I would cheat on him,"

"I don't know Little Red. I don't know."

I looked up at Adrian and his eyes told a story, a story, that I could never quite figure out.

"Show Lissa the box. It will do you some both good," he said as if it would be the answer to everything.

I just nodded my head, if I actually did it or not would be another thing.

"Come on. Let's go watch a movie,"

We both walked into the house. My mother looked at him and then me with a slight confusion written on her face. Probably, because this was the first time ever that he was in my house. I hadn't let him come in. I hadn't let him enter a place where most of my memories with Dimitri had been, besides the back of his pickup truck. I needed this right now though. I needed a friend that didn't take sides. That understood where I was coming from. I didn't know why Adrian understood so good though he just did.

We sat on the couch and watched a movie. I didn't realize how exhausted I was, but the next thing I knew I was falling asleep.

* * *

><p>"I KNEW IT! YOU LIAR,"<p>

"What," I mumbled as I opened my eyes to see Lissa standing over me pointing a finger at me.

"What are you talking about?" I yawned and then realized that Adrian and I were cuddled up next to each other on the couch.

"Lissa, I fell asleep. I am not committing adultery. Chill out,"

She huffed some more before calming down.

"I'm so sorry!"

I was not ready for this. I just woke up. I swear my best friend sometimes I don't even know. My thoughts don't even make sense right now.

"It's fine," I said moving off of Adrian and stretching. He seemed to want to disappear. Probably, because he thinks that Lissa is going to castrate him.

"No, I am so sorry. I should be on your side. It's just so hard cause you are so hardheaded and the only one to ever see the real you is him and I forget how much you are actually soft hearted and then I forget how you would never hurt Dimitri…" she said talking all to fast not even taking a breath.

"Lissa, it's okay. Don't worry about it,"

She looked as if the world was lifted off her shoulder. I looked over to Adrian and he nodded his head as if he already knew what I was thinking before I was even thinking it.

"I have something to show you," I said getting up and taking her arm dragging her outside.

"A trashcan?"

"Look inside,"

She walked over to where I had dumped all the letters that I had written and she was shocked.

"Are those his letters?"

"No. They are mine, the ones that I have written, 56 total. I was going to burn them."

She didn't know what to say it seemed. Finally, I made the blonde girl who could talk a mile a minute shut the hell up for once. Then she started to smile and clap.

"Dimitri is going to be so happy –"

"NO!" I yell. "You are not going to tell him about these."

Her smile disappeared. She didn't understand and I wasn't going to explain either.

"I repeat. You are not going to tell him about these."

It seemed like we stood there for a good minute when she raised one eyebrow. I rolled my eyes. Everyone knew that I hated when anyone would do that. She then smirked, a smirk I know so well. That was the smirk she used when she was going to get Christian to do something.

"No. Whatever it is, just no."

"I won't tell him…"

I sighed with relief.

"On one condition…"

Now, I groaned with frustration.

"You read the letters that he sent you."

Was this woman mad? She was mad. All that sex with Christian has gone to her head it was official.

"No."

"Rosemarie, you will read his letters or I will tell him that you have a stash of unsent letters that I will hunt down and mail to him on my own."

I groaned. She wasn't going to make this easy at all.

"Fine, I will read one. One letter."

She smiled as if she had won the lottery. This time it was her who was dragging me upstairs. She sat me down on my bed and then placed the Dimitri labeled box in front of me. Lissa then went to my door and sat down right in the way.

"I am staying right here until you read one. I will not move nor will you make me move. Today is the day that you Rose realize how much he loves you. Now, get to reading,"

I don't know how long I was staring at the box. It had to have been awhile though because I could see Lissa finally falling into a small sleep. I shook my head. Some guard she is. I could easily sneak around her or lie and said I read one. Something was keeping me hear though in front of this box. I pulled out the most recent letter. This was it. I was finally going to read something that he had written me. I slowly opened up the envelope and with tears in my eyes I read the letter.

_It's over._

That's all it said. I couldn't breathe. I started to freak out. I couldn't take it. Everything was crashing down. My lungs, my lungs were crashing down. I think I broke something cause Lissa was at my side in an instant after I heard a smash. She was trying to calm me down. It wasn't working though. I could hear her screaming for my mom.

That's when Adrian and my mom came rushing up stairs. My mom ran over to me and laid me down on the bed. I saw Adrian lift up the paper that I had dropped and he showed Lissa. She was taking out a phone calling someone and that's the last thing that I remember.

* * *

><p>I woke up to the sound of being noises. It was really annoying. I wanted to tell whomever it was that was making that noise to shut the fuck up. That's when I opened my eyes to see that it was a machine. I looked around. Great, just great, I was in the flipping hospital.<p>

Sitting up some more I looked around the room. I laughed. Adrian seemed to be sitting in the most uncomfortable postion. Yet, he managed to fall asleep. Christian was sleeping on the pullout couch bed with Lissa. Hospitals have been making there rooms quite cozy lately, still annoying nonetheless though.

I couldn't remember why I was here though or what happened. I looked around some more wondering if there was a sign and that's when I saw a piece of paper sticking out from Adrian's pocket. The letter. Dimitri broke up with me. That's not possible. Why would he do that?

"Because you never sent him a letter," Lissa said.

I guess I was speaking outloud.

"But, but, I –"

The monitors started to go off like crazy causing everyone to wake up and nurses rush in to check on me. Adrian placed a hand over mine calming me down, with that the nurses left. I knew that they wouldn't be to far though.

"I couldn't. What have I done? I need to fix this. I will send all of them. No. I can't. He. He hurt me. Not only by leaving me, but now by dumping me. He should have understood why I wasn't sending letters. He is being selfish,"

"You are being selfish,"

We were all shocked. Christian was the one to say those words. I couldn't believe it. No one could I think? It wasn't easy for him to say it either. Before I could say anything he walked out. He walked out. What the hell is going on anymore? I don't get it.

"He's right,"

The next person to say this surprised me even more. Adrian.

At this point I was about ready to freak out. That's when Christian walked back in. This time he also brought a whole bunch of roses and a huge teddy bear. I didn't get it.

"Happy Birthday,"

Everyone looked at him like he had to heads. Lissa started to freak out in the background saying how she couldn't believe that she forget my 18th birthday and why I didn't mention it. I was still shocked though as he handed me a card and inside the card was a letter.

_Christian –_

_FUCK! Dude, I fucked up. I don't even know if Rose is reading my letters or not. I sent her one out of anger, saying that it was over. I didn't mean it man. By the time my other letter gets to her saying that it was a mistake she probably won't even read it if she is reading them at all. Do me a favor. Go get a bunch of black roses and a huge ass teddy bear. Give that to her on her birthday and tell her I am an ass. _

_-Dimitri._

I started crying. I was selfish. Christian just came over and gave me a hug. Lissa still was freaking out trying to figure out how she forgot her best friend's birthday and Adrian I still couldn't understand what was going on with him. He was a mystery to me.

"Go get the letters. Mail them to him, all of them. Every single one,"

This got Lissa out of her little freak out of forgetting my birthday into a happy freak out. There was something deeply wrong with this girl on so many levels. I loved her anyway though.

Everyone started to smile. Even Adrian. Weird. That was the first time he ever smiled when the topic of Dimitri was brought up.

"Happy Birthday Little Red," he said walking over to me. Lissa was eyeing him suspiciously. He pulled out a necklace of that had a dog tag on it, handing it to me. Engraved on it was 'Property of a Solider'.

"I thought you didn't like Dimitri," I said.

He shook his head and laughed.

"I was just waiting for you to come around Little Red. My dad is in Iraq. I understand how you feel. I knew that eventually you would come around. I had this made a month ago. I never wanted to push you,"

My best friend squealed in delight and ran over to see it. I was in awe. Adrian understood more than anybody. No wonder I felt so close to him. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all.


End file.
